Now is the time to look closely at who we are and what holds up back from expressing the truest Self! I’m getting real in my “Life in the Moment” experiences of truth and authenticity. Come out come out wherever you are!

Beyond the Mask

In a recent discussion with a friend we were reviewing how to identify those moments when we weren’t being authentic.  For many, it seems that our masks have played such a role that we often forget we are wearing them.  They become comfortable.  With the limited vision we are frequently unaware of those inauthentic moments until it’s too late.  Sometimes we even believe the façade.

How do we recognize ourselves in those times when our truth is too painful to face, or our vulnerability too great to accept our true selves or reveal ourselves to others? Sometimes it was the pain of anger, guilt, or shame.  Sometimes it was disinterest or discomfort with others. Always in some sort of fear. Often those old lessons of ‘never tell the truth if it’ll hurt someone’ affixed the mask of the moment.  At those times we seek to hide: we look for something to deflect, divert or avoid the threat of discovery, exposure, and judgment.  This behavior holds us separate because what we are presenting with our words and our actions is incongruent with our energy vibration as it’s felt by others.

As energy beings our frequency affects those around us with or without conscious awareness of it.  This aspect of ourselves connects to this aspect of everyone we are in contact with.  We’re essentially walking in each other’s soup all the time. It’s another reason to make sure you have alone time to clear yourself of the energy of others.  Clearing your field allows you to start feeling and sensing your own energy.  It allows the fog of confusion to lift so you can clearly see what it is that feels good and where there is discomfort that needs attending.

When we talk about healing, we know discomfort is the symptom that draws us to focus on what needs attention in our lives. This is true regardless of the type of discomfort or pain we experience.  When we connect with another in discomfort, we must be able to discern what that discomfort is.  It gets confusing when we wear masks: When what we see and hear at face-value doesn’t match what we are feeling inside.   So how can we restore our natural expression in a way that makes us and others feel safe?

It all starts with awareness without judgment in the present moment. You need to be able to know how and what you feel.   Learning to sense and hear your body talk is a key.  Well, while we’re out there busy living, engaging with others, connecting here, there, and everywhere, we have opportunities to receive information, guidance, and lessons in every moment.  The kind of knowing that helps you avoid more discomfort, save a few steps, move you closer to your goals and more ease.   However, you must release the past blocks, remove the old barriers, and take deliberate action to be observant and present.

Most people who know me or my personal journey will laughingly admit, sometimes I’m like the “smartest kid in the slow class”.  It often takes getting hit over the head with the proverbial sledgehammer before I get an important lesson.  I’ll flail around an issue, bumping into, and tripping over the obvious-to-others lessons, until I injure myself enough to stop throwing myself at it relentlessly and study the evidence of my experience.  Almost always, when I do this, I can quickly get clarity on the heart of the matter.  When I take the time to stop, get quiet, clear the field, and listen to what my body and heart are telling me needs attention, I can hear, see, and sense what I need to release the pain or discomfort.

Start with staying focused in the present or near present.  By being open in the present, you can pick up signals and impressions about what’s happening around you.  Set an intention that you wish to be more observant and less reactionary to the events occurring around you.  From this state of being, you can sense your body with more awareness.  Notice when you grabbed and held a breath.  Did your palms start to sweat? Notice when your jaw clenched or your muscles tightened.  Notice when your heart started to beat faster.  Can you feel the tension in your body building? Something is happening in that moment.  Observe it. Look for clues to what’s happening in your environment. Is an old story being told? Is there someone who feels threatening?  Is the situation bad for you? Who is sharing this experience? How does being with then make you feel.  Safe? Scared? Angry?  Are you elated or joyful? Is it an old story, an old belief?  Does it require review?

When you learn to read your body and hearts signals then you can determine exactly what is causing the pain and you get to choose what you’re going to do to remedy it. Are these new feelings? Is this just like every other time when….? Do you feel ignored or shut down?  Do you feel praise or acknowledgement? There are many people who hide their joy as much as their sorrow.  So, anything can be a block or barrier.  Each of us has individual learning experiences, honor yours as unique.

We spend our lives learning the projected fears of others and how we to project those fears ourselves. We learned right and wrong good and back set against the backdrop of rigid outdated mores.  You aren’t required to do what works for others.  You aren’t required to be self-sacrificing or denying your needs.  So, when you get quiet and listen, notice what your thoughts are. What is your breath and body telling you. What are you afraid to say or do? Is the fear real or just projected? What does your heart tell you that you need?

What can you do differently the next time without a mask? How can you express yourself in this moment or take an action that allows you to take a different step forward? Can you step out onto the hot coals of vulnerability knowing that worst case scenario, your scars will belay the courage it takes to discover how to walk the rocky times in life.

For me as I mentioned, I often only come to these greater understandings long after my experience, when I sit in the discomfort of not feeling safe to be myself.  I review the interaction. I look at why I held myself separate and in fear.  I examine those stories and beliefs; the reasons for my position, to find out how true and real they are now.  If they are old, untrue, or no longer relevant, I commit to a greater presence in those situations so I can choose to respond differently.  I can choose to stay or go, I can choose to speak up or stay quiet, but these choices come from what feels right and true in that moment.  I don’t hold that same expectation or response for all future situations, just the one in the moment.

As I move through my life now, I spend much more time in the present.  The lessons come easier and quicker.  By choosing what is right for me in the moment, I can stay true to myself and allow my free expression.  There are times I know I don the mask without awareness; an ingrained, unconscious action to protect myself from some vulnerability or fear.  The discomfort of disfiguring myself always alerts me to something that still needs work and healing.  I can stand in that truth without discomfort. My early story includes long stretches through dark tunnels, hairpin turns that sometimes toppled me, and left me bruised and hurt. At times throughout my life I felt broken.  Those journey-shaping experiences gouged deep grooves into my life.  I’ve been working a recording over that for some time.  My life is a work in progress.  Everyone’s is.  We’re all just working on different projects.  Not to mention that each day we are part of all the energies that abound.  Those energies of fear and love that vibrate around us are the clues to understanding our hidden pain.  Being present and aware, feeling your way through your life is how you will identify the barriers and blocks you hold to unleashing your most authentic self.

To stand in your power, your realness, your YOU, takes courage.  It takes a deep knowing that you are worthy, valuable, and unique.  It takes a self-understanding that doesn’t require explanation to others and the knowledge that we each create our own happiness from the inside out.

From the inside out with love…

Nora Helbich

By |2018-07-04T13:26:44+00:00July 4th, 2018|Categories: Get Real: Authenticity is the Only Choice!|0 Comments

Getting Real: The Reality of Truth

I thought that after the recent experience in a business environment I had learned about all about ‘being real’. That breakthrough lesson which taught me more about my connections with others. It was a growth experience: the epiphany that hiding is what keeps us separate from others and disallows the Oneness. I had learned my lesson and I was happy to move forward. I couldn’t wait to share this experience with a dear, dear friend.

This friend demonstrated her spirituality, compassion, kindness, gentleness, service, and love everywhere she went throughout her community, and her community was the world. Everyone who knows her sees her as this. We’ve had a close, honest friendship for several years now. A friend who said she loved me unconditionally. A friend who told me repeatedly that she was there for me, that I could trust her. I could tell her anything. I echoed those words back to her many times. I deeply trusted this person despite having previously learned to be more prudent with that valuable commodity of trust in others.

So, while we were sharing our challenges with inauthenticity, I opened up about an important and very painful circumstance I was in. My recent epiphany left me open, feeling strong in my ability to speak my truth. For the first time in a long time, I felt free to be me, free to share my inner thoughts and workings. So, with my new-found experience in truth, I opened myself to my friend. I told them things I’ve not told anyone. Guess what happened?

I felt a shift. I felt a change. I knew something was wrong. Bells and whistles were going off everywhere. I tried to address the situation, find out the truth. “Everything is fine.” I heard repeatedly to my frequent questions over the next day. I couldn’t ignore my gut. I knew this was a lie. Everything was not fine. Honoring her desire to remain private, I left it alone. I ‘d approach it in a day or so after she’d process whatever was going on for her. I didn’t get the opportunity. The very next day, she authentically went online and made derogatory comments about me. She posted things she couldn’t say to my face when I asked. Her comments were hurtful and maligning, but the worst of all was what I perceived as ‘her lies’!

From my limited perspective of pain, it appears she’d overstated how committed she was to the friendship; “unconditional” she repeated. I believed she’d overestimated her ability to hear the truth. “Anything, anytime”, I heard her past words echo in my heart. Most of all, she thought herself authentic and truthful. Yet she couldn’t speak her truth when I asked her to honestly share her thoughts and feelings about what I knew was happening. Instead, she used public disclosure to express her feelings without communicating with me directly. In an attempt to salvage the friendship, I asked her to be truthful, be real, but she couldn’t. I frightened her with my honesty and she couldn’t handle it. She shut down and shut me out.

It was another authentic teaching moment for me. I openly faced a huge fear of being myself, speaking my truth honestly and openly. My worst fear had come true. My truth had cost me an important friendship. This time, I learned another truth about authenticity. Authenticity does not change reality and people can only be as honest with you as they can be with themselves. She could be my friend when she saw only those traits/characteristics that she believed. She couldn’t face the truth I revealed when I pulled away the mask. While she might not have been able to speak her truth, her behavior was completely authentic to her. I was the one having the problem. She felt free to be herself. I now saw what I had closed my eyes to all along.

I realized she had spent the entire previous conversation complaining about her friends: why she didn’t like the way they were or what they weren’t doing for themselves. She couldn’t tell them the truth or distance herself for fear they might think differently of her. She couldn’t tell them how she felt used, or that the relationship was imbalanced. Instead she smiled her truth, took their calls and texts, lent an ear and a shoulder, but as she stated, the discomfort of it was ‘killing her’. She had been talking about her inability to be authentic and real in her relationships all along. Somehow, her authentic words never penetrated my idealism about her and our friendship. Clearly, I had covered my eyes and ears, blinded by her brightness.

Authenticity and truth have a funny way of showing us about ourselves and our perceptions about the people around us. I suspect our relationship formed during a time when we resonated at the same level of inauthenticity. Having moved into an authentic vibration within myself, the relationship no longer resonated. We were out of harmony. We both felt the discomfort. Therefore, the relationship shifted. It matters not, how it happened, just that it did. It was a necessary letting go of another relationship that formed while I was wearing a mask. It shattered in the reflection of the light that now shone upon it.

There was another important lesson: the power of illusion. She saw only what she wanted to see and I heard only what I wanted to hear. I’m grateful to get this lesson (again). I know one thing for certain. Without a question, standing in my truth provides me so much more clarity and opportunity for growth. Hiding will never unleash my light. Hiding will only continue to support illusion, confusion, and stagnation: living in the dark. I’ve had more than enough hide and seek in my lifetime.

The simple reality is that truth and authenticity are the means by which we find out connection to Self and others. It provides a platform to engage with life. Life still presents important challenges, situations, and lessons. Truth and authenticity don’t change that; they only provide the best perspective from which to view the landscape of our lives. With that greater perspective we can then see the best action to take toward the future.

……Another lesson on getting real in tomorrow’s post.

Peace
Nora Helbich

By |2018-07-03T16:19:34+00:00July 3rd, 2018|Categories: Get Real: Authenticity is the Only Choice!|0 Comments

Authenticity – The “REAL” Choice

Come out! Come out! Wherever you are! It’s time to stop hiding. Unfortunately, many people today still feel it necessary to hide themselves from others. I’m starting this blog series about what it takes to be real and how we can release barriers to full expression. We expect authenticity from others but can we recognize when we are inauthentic, and do we feel aware and empowered to change?

Authenticity is defined as the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures; sincere and authentic with no pretensions. With the pressures we’re all feeling today it’s not hard to understand why we don’t feel free to be ourselves. We’re seeing the many faces of anger, jealousy, competition, hatred and fear every day. No one wants to be the target. We don’t know what direction it will come from either.

Whether you realize it or not, you have an innate ability to recognize when someone is being less than real. That sense that what you’re seeing and hearing is incongruent with what you believe true. We might see it, think it, or feel it, but we certainly know when it’s happening even if you can’t name it. It makes us uncomfortable.

Regardless of age, everyone knows the pain of judgement and tries to avoid the sting. Whether it’s a misstep or mistake, sexual orientation, a difficult past, faith, fears, a job, our education, gender identity, financial difficulties, political views, the challenges of certain personality traits, feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or lack of self-love; people don’t feel safe to speak the truth or be themselves.

Every one of us has experienced the sting of judgment, or loss of our sense of safety by exposing some deep truth about ourselves: that moment when we unknowingly showed our vulnerability as we shared our truth. Maybe it was high school when in our desire to be cool, we professed/confessed our adoration of a popular band before we realized that ‘the cool kids” thought that group passé. We became pinned as “uncool”, and it stung when stuck. Maybe it was Day 1 of the new job, when we sought connection with another and blurted something dumb in our anxiety for recognition. Or in trying too hard, we saw and felt the realization in the eyes of those listening that they knew we were not being real. First impressions formed and those can be lasting. Maybe it was that moment when we showed our vulnerability, and because others felt exposed as they related to our truth, they lowered their eyes, looked away or disengaged; body language begging for us to stop.

This year we are seeing the exposure and disclosure of inauthenticity in politics, governments, relationships, leadership, our family, and friends. Most importantly, if we’re honest with ourselves, we feeling it within and we don’t like it. People everywhere are struggling with what they want to say and do, and what they believe they feel allowed to do or what is safe. Some are struggling with who they want to be, what they want to do, and what they believe is expected of them. Folks are trying to figure out how to hold onto the illusions created about themselves, and still feel free to express their truth. It can’t be done, and there’s discomfort in the squeeze of that tight spot. We must free ourselves and there is no better time than now. But how? I’ll tell you, but first I must reveal my lack of authenticity truthfully.

As you know, I do non-traditional work. I teach new truths about old ideas and old truths that seem new to many. I know first-hand that corporate leaders, and business owners use these services, but they mask them under different expenditures and names. My work is an occupation fraught with all kinds of misunderstanding, false ideas, and judgment. Depending on who you are and what you believe, you may use these types of services, find amazing and remarkable value and results, but not be willing to share your experience for fear that others judge you weak or deficient for needing help. You may be the type that would never consider these services for your own reasons. I know this. I hold space for you here.

I constantly strive to help educate and remove the unfounded stigma of this work. At one time, maybe even still today, getting mental health or addiction services was something one hid for fear of being labeled crazy or sick. Thanks to the truth telling of many, much of the stigma is removed and many people now feel less shame for seeking help with mental balance or overwhelm. There was a time where people didn’t go to chiropractors because the medical professionals defined them as quacks. As a result, people hid their experiences from others for being label foolish for using quackery. Thankfully chiropractors today enjoy open acceptance of their work and people refer their chiropractor often because they no longer have reason to hide. Given the expansion in human consciousness, and the growth in the human potential field I know it’s only a matter of time before this work is commonly understood and accepted. I’ve been doing my part all along.

Normally, I stand in my power. I am a force to be reckoned with: a born system-buster on a mission to help others thrive not just survive. I help people identify and remove the limitations, own their power, and heal their lives. I’m very proud of this work that has helped hundreds.

I realized that despite my openness and regardless of my profound belief in what I do, I sometimes still mask it.  After speaking with my peers, I came to understand that others were sometimes doing this as well. In one example, a friend from a strong religious & cultural background mentioned that she doesn’t state her work around certain people or groups because her experiences of rejection, disregard, hassle, and threats were too unsettling. Another identifies the ‘part-time day-job’ rather than her passion because some people feel free to belittle and bully her.

Several months ago, I participated in a traditional, multi-day business development retreat. I’d made a significant financial investment to learn how to take my business to the next level so I can help more people unlock their potential and live their dreams. After thirty-plus years in corporate business, I knew what to expect. Knowing, that in a room of 50 entrepreneurs, there would be no one who did what I do, I felt like my work needed an approach different from theirs. They wouldn’t understand. Knowing the misconceptions and lack of understanding that exists in many minds, I realized I was scared to tell the truth. I wanted to be accepted and I feared rejection. I don’t scare easily, but this was certainly doing a number on my head.

I strategized about changing the language around my work. I searched my mind for neutral words that would convey my message without shutting people down even before they opened up. I practiced an introduction, which spoke of my work but didn’t name it. I hated the pain of hiding. I hated not telling the truth. I hated the squeeze between that rock and a hard place. I felt disempowered, inauthentic. This fear was catching in my heart, blocking my voice and it felt awful.

For 2 days I hedge the answers, I danced around the words, I deflected the questions by taking interest in their passions, their work, their successes. I remained quietly hiding hoping I wouldn’t be found in my private game of hide and seek. I was playing alone and no one was looking for me. Nearing the end of day two, the loneliness of hiding, hurt.

We know that only discomfort drives change. Something needed healing. I was getting damn tired and damn uncomfortable. I was getting angry with myself, ashamed of my fear as I made myself smaller, hoping not to be discovered. Then it happened, that call, “come out, come out, wherever you are”. I felt that nudge to throw off my invisible cloak, jump up and yell ‘surprise’. I resisted. Then I heard it again, “Who’s been playing small, nay, dipping their toes in the experience? “I wanted to stand tall, call myself out, but I was frozen in fear. Then, in one brave moment of betting it all, I found myself standing. I looked around and noticed a few of us. Whew, I wasn’t alone.

‘Tell us” I heard, ‘what do you have to say?’ He asked those standing. As the last to stand, I hoped to be the last to speak, to have that few moments, to clear the fear choking my voice, to find the strength to stop my legs and hands from shaking and to find the words to reveal myself, to make myself vulnerable: To stand in my authenticity and truth regardless of the outcome.

As in the Divine wisdom of all things, of course I was called to speak first. With a hard swallow, I lifted my head, I looked around the room, I met the eyes of the others, and I owned my truth. ” My name is Nora Helbich. I’m an intuitive healer and coach. I’m excellent at what I do and I can help you realize your dreams.”

In that moment, I faced my greatest fear. They didn’t look away, there was no judgement in their eyes. As the deafening fear subsided, I heard their clapping, I felt supported, accepted. I had grown, shifted. I stood in my truth. it may have been my most authentic moment so far. I was afraid but I faced it. While all that was great, the most wonderful thing happened after that. People approached me, interested, supportive, wanting to know more.

In the moment, I realized how my fear and lack of authenticity had held me apart from the people in this room, maybe people all through my life. I realized this fear caused me to have judgments about these strangers. I didn’t meet them openly. As in all things, the fear created a set of false beliefs that my mind held as limitations. By standing in truth I created opportunities and an openness that reaches out. I realized my actions gave strength to others. I was holding myself back in life because of the fear. Thankfully that’s over. Being truthful and authentic always feels better. I’ll never fear sharing my truth again. Or so I thought… (see tomorrow’s post)

Until then..

Peace

Nora Helbich,

Intuitive Healer & Life Coach

 

By |2018-07-02T16:11:52+00:00July 2nd, 2018|Categories: Get Real: Authenticity is the Only Choice!|2 Comments